Facing Family Criticism During the Holidays: A Trick to Keep Your Cool

Their Criticism Isn’t About You!

If a family member is nitpicking or criticizing, it’s likely more about them than it is about you. Think about it — they choose their actions, they shape their worldview based on their own life experiences. Their criticisms, rude comments, or lack of appreciation have everything to do with where they’re coming from and who they are as individuals, not with who you are.

Take the example of a family member who doesn’t thank you for a gift. Instead of feeling hurt, remember that this person may have grown up in an environment where appreciation wasn’t openly expressed, or perhaps they just have a different way of showing gratitude. They’re not rejecting you; they’re simply reacting based on their own set of experiences and habits.

The same goes for when they ask personal or intrusive questions, like “When are you going to get married?” or “Why don’t you have kids yet?” Instead of feeling offended, recognize that these questions reflect their own worldview and perhaps their own frustrations or desires. It’s not a reflection of your life choices; it’s a reflection of theirs.

Don’t Take It Personally

Once you accept that their behavior is about them, not you, it becomes much easier to keep your cool. In fact, you can begin to lean back mentally and observe their behavior without getting caught up in it. It’s like watching a movie where you’re not emotionally invested in the characters. Sure, they’re doing their thing, but it doesn’t have to impact you.

You don’t need to engage with their negativity. Instead of feeling the need to explain yourself or defend your life choices, just smile, nod, and move on. You’ll find that it’s easier to stay grounded and peaceful when you stop internalizing their words.

Protect Your Peace

Remember: you don’t have to spend all your time with people who consistently bring negativity into your life. While family is important, it’s also okay to set boundaries and reduce the time you spend with people who constantly criticize or bring you down. Everyone has their limits, and it’s okay to protect your mental health by limiting exposure to toxic behavior.

In addition to hosting The Sean Show on B105.7, Sean Copeland is a therapist at Evolve Therapy in Greenwood, IN.