How to Get and Keep Getting What You Want in Your Relationship

Here’s a follow up to a recent Tune Up Tuesday from a Sean Show family member and how following this tidbit has improved her marriage.  And with this tune-up, I’m going to give her a way to further expand the positive benefits in her relationship.

A couple weeks ago, I talked about the importance of physical touch.  That doesn’t always have to be sexual. It could be long hugs, a caress as you pass each other in the kitchen, holding hands, etc – and the fact is, that’s often one of the first things to go when a relationship experiences a reduction in connection.  You don’t touch as much when you feel disconnected.  You have to be more intentional about it as you get deeper into a relationship.  Think about it – touch is what, in part separates your romantic relationship from all others.

Sean Show family member Jody heard this tidbit and went to her husband of 27 years and said… “Hey, we don’t touch as much as we used to – hardly at all sometimes.  Have we lost some connection?”

Her husband, who she says usually thinks therapy stuff is stupid said… “No, we haven’t lost connection.”  AND – he’s started touching her more.. long hugs and those litter caresses in the kitchen I mentioned.

I applaud Jody for her vulnerability and courage in bringing this up…and let’s expand on it.  That’s one of the things I like to do with couples I see in my therapy practice is help create a little success and then build from that.  So, Jody could build here by appreciating her husband.  Most men crave words of affirmation from their partners.  We’re like dogs in that way.  We want to be told, “good boy.”

So, she could say something like, “I’ve noticed you being intentional about physical touch and I so respect and appreciate your efforts.  Thank you.”  And if he starts to slack off, offer a gentle reminder.  “Hey, remember when we talked about touch and you did it more for awhile?  I really liked that.  Really made me feel special and connected to you.” That’s it.  He’ll get the message.

The Tune-Up Tuesday takeaway today is verbal appreciation and gentle reminders are great tools to help you get the love you want and keep getting the love you want.

In addition to hosting The Sean Show on B105.7, Sean Copeland is a licensed mental health therapist. On Tuesday mornings, he shares a “tune up” that his audience can use to tune up their relationships or own mental health.