Viral “Bird Theory” Can Predict Divorce

Have you heard about TikTok’s Bird Theory?  You’re supposed to test your partner with it to determine the strength of your relationship. 

Here’s the gist: If your partner sees something small and random — like a bird outside the window — and says, “Babe, look, a bird!”… what do you do? If you respond with curiosity or interest — “Oh yeah, cool! Where?” — you “pass.” If you ignore them, grunt, or respond with “…and?” you “fail.”

It’s based on findings from a relationship researcher who I’ve trained under, John Gottman.  He studied couples and can predict divorce with 96% accuracy.  And he calls the bird theory a “bid for connection.”  A “bid” is any tiny attempt your partner makes to connect with you…

“Look at that bird.”

“Listen to this song.”

“You’ll never guess what happened at work.”

When you respond warmly, even in small moments, you build trust. When you dismiss or ignore those micro-moments, distance grows over time.  The bird theory explains something therapists have known forever… healthy relationships thrive on little moments of connection. So next time your partner says, “Hey look!” — pause. Lean in. Be curious. You’re not just acknowledging a bird…you’re acknowledging a bid for connection.  You’re saying: “I see you, and you matter.”