Why Couples Often Fight More at the Holidays
The holidays look magical… but behind the scenes, a lot of us are secretly juggling a heavy holiday mental load: planning gifts, organizing gatherings, tracking budgets, remembering every kid’s program, making travel decisions, and trying to create “perfect” memories for everyone.
That mental load usually lands on one partner more than the other. Not because they want it, but because somebody has to think about all the invisible stuff. Over time, that can lead to overwhelm, resentment, and those classic “Why am I the only one stressing about this?” moments. That’s not how you want to go through the holiday season, so do these 3 things…
1. Talk about the mental load.
Say out loud what’s been living in your head. “Here’s everything I’m trying to keep track of right now — can we divide this up?” Most partners are happy to help… they just didn’t realize how much was happening behind the curtain.
2. Make a plan together.
Sit down with the calendar: events, hosting duties, shopping lists, budgets. Decide who’s doing what before things get chaotic.
3. Let go of the “perfect” holiday.
You don’t have to go to every gathering or send flawless Christmas cards. Decide what actually matters to you as a couple, and skip the rest without guilt.
Sharing the mental load isn’t just practical — it’s an act of love. When you plan together and set realistic expectations, you make more room for what the holidays are supposed to be about: connection, joy, and actually enjoying each other.
In addition to hosting The Sean Show on B105.7, Sean Copeland is a therapist at Evolve Therapy in Greenwood, IN.
