I can confidently say that your relationship is not meant to be.
People have asked me, “Sean, what kind of therapist are you?” I say I’m a balanced one… in that sure, let’s talk about feelings, childhood all that typical therapy stuff. But I also focus a great deal on more left brain, research kind of stuff in my approach too. And that’s where this comes from…
There’s actually some research that’s been done lately on what they call the “destiny approach” — believing that a relationship is either meant to be or not. The research finds that approach can be detrimental to your relationship. They found people who view relationships like that are less likely to work on their relationship and less likely to accept responsibility for their contribution to it.
Instead of a destiny approach… they recommend you take a “growth approach.” That means putting in the effort to grow the relationship. You don’t find THE one, you find A one and you create happiness and shared meaning by working on the relationship together. Not only is this a research based healthier approach to your relationship, it also helps to foster more realistic expectations. And those will lead to increased happiness.
In addition to hosting The Sean Show, Sean Copeland is a licensed mental health therapist.
