When a Mental Health Diagnosis is Used as an Excuse
When a Mental Health Diagnosis is Used as an Excuse
I recently came across a post on Reddit from a guy looking for relationship advice. His girlfriend had recently been diagnosed with Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Since then, he said, she’s started using her diagnosis as an excuse for everything—being late, forgetting things, even bigger issues in their relationship. He shared that it’s gotten to the point where he feels like he can’t bring up any concerns without her going on the defensive and pointing back to ADHD as the reason.
Let’s be honest… this dynamic happens a lot.
Even though I can diagnose people, I tend not to throw out labels lightly. Why? Because labels can be helpful tools—or they can become weapons. Too often, people lean on a diagnosis as a reason not to grow, saying things like, “Well, I can’t do that because of my anxiety,” or “I’m always late because of my ADHD.”
Here’s the hard truth: when you lean into a diagnosis as an excuse, you’re actually doing the opposite of what would help you. Healing, growth, and healthier relationships come when we get the right tools, build new habits, and stretch out of the limitations a condition can place on us.
Specifically to the guy on Reddit—relationships take a lot of hard work. And for them to thrive, both partners need to show up for that work. “For better or worse” only works when both people do their best to fight their way back to better. If one person checks out emotionally or leans on their diagnosis as a shield, the balance breaks.
And for anyone reading this who has a mental health diagnosis: if you’re using it to treat people poorly, to avoid accountability, or to justify harmful patterns… I’m begging you to make a different choice. Not out of shame—but out of love. Love for yourself, and love for the people who are trying to build something real with you.
A diagnosis can explain your challenges, but it doesn’t define your capacity to grow.
In addition to hosting The Sean Show on B105.7, Sean Copeland is also a therapist at Evolve Therapy in Greenwood, IN.
