3 Steps to Deal with the Narcissist in Your Life

I had a Sean Show family member request this on the text line: Sean, could you do a tune-up about dealing with a narcissistic sibling? 

First off, I want to say that the term narcissistic is thrown around a little too loosely these days.  It’s an actual personality disorder with 9 diagnostic criteria.  So, I don’t love throwing around clinical terms unless people have had a clinical diagnosis.  That said – let’s assume your sibling does indeed have narcissistic personality disorder or even narcissistic tendencies — then what?  3 things…

1 – Lower expectations.  True narcissism isn’t something you can talk them out of with logic, guilt, or “just being nicer.” A narcissistic sibling often thrives on control, attention, and winning. Accepting that you cannot change them is step one in protecting your sanity.  Your best bet for a realistic expectation is decency.  You may not be able to be close to this person, but at family gatherings for example, you can be decent.

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2 – Set and maintain boundaries.  Think of boundaries as an emotional fence. You don’t build a fence to punish your neighbor—you build it to protect your yard. Boundaries might sound like:

• “I’m not going to argue about that with you.”
• “I need to leave if the conversation turns disrespectful.”
• “No, I can’t do that for you.”

Consistency is key. Boundaries lose power if you enforce them only half the time.

3 — Limit Exposure.  If your sibling leaves you feeling anxious or depleted, it’s okay to limit contact. Less time together doesn’t mean you don’t love them—it means you’re choosing your mental health. Sometimes “loving from a distance” is the healthiest option.  And when you are together, go back to point 1 about those lowered expectations.  If lowered or maintaining boundaries is too hard… then lean more in to point 3 and limit exposure.

The bottom line is — dealing with a narcissistic sibling isn’t about outsmarting them—it’s about outgrowing their power over you. You can’t rewrite their personality, but you can choose peace, boundaries, and self-respect.

In addition to hosting The Sean Show on B105.7, Sean Copeland is a therapist at Evolve Therapy in Greenwood, IN.